Oh how I miss my shoes!

I know I am missing my shoes when I decided to bring them all out from the shoe rack and air them.  Told mum that I plan to clean them but in actual fact I just want to look at them. I believe I won’t keep them till few days later… 

Obviously you can tell I have a weakness for shoes. These are my weekend shoes. Yes, I do compartmentalize my life a little. Shoes for work are solely for work and they are stashed under my work desk.  These shoes here are specially kept for the weekends only. Right now I am not sure when I can fit into them…. They look extremely small for my feet now. I can only moon over them by staring…..and to appreciate the fact that I used to have such slim feet….

   

Progression from the big flare (feet)

I simply cannot describe how bad my edema was. I couldn't walk properly. Every inch was painful (at my worst). Colleagues feared that I might fall and suggested that I should take sick leave. Thank God for His grace and mercy, I could manage slowly and yes, no sick leave taken at all! 

This episode helps me appreciate simple things so much more. Never would I imagine myself struggling with moving up the stairs or walking from point to point. I was the super garang woman who could lug tonnes of books and laptop to classrooms when I was heavily pregnant. This time, I needed help from students. Any extra weight on me will add more pressure to my feet. I couldn't carry anything at all. 

I am thankful that this episode humanizes me. I understand a little better the difficulties faced by people with physical disabilities. I was more understanding towards Alex when he had a gout attack a few days ago. This new understanding also changes the way I pray for people. I can empathize with those who are sick. I understand their pain and struggles. I plea too for God's mercy and grace in their lives....

Today I noticed a significant reduction in swell. I am just so thankful that the swell can come down at all. Thank God for every little progress! I still can't fit into any shoes but I am still thankful. Very thankful that He has helped me walked through the darkest days and has given much needed encouragement to lift my heart!     

Progression from the big flare (neck)

I believe I had my first serious flare (at my neck) when I was in my 4th month of withdrawal. It started with red itchy blotches of red (first sign of BURNING see pic dated 26/7). Subsequently, the redness turned brownish and black. Edema followed. My neck swelled up and there were deep horizontal neck folds. My worst was probably on the 30/7. Amazingly, the skin peeled and shed quickly. In a week's time my neck looked much better (7/8).

However, it is known that rebounds are very common in TSW. True enough, my neck looked well for just a few days. On the 8/8, my body reacted to some food and the flare started again. This time, the flare wan't as bad as the previous. It healed quite nicely by 17/8.

Thus far, my body has gone through at least 3 rounds of flare. I am glad that healing comes as fast as the rebound. I could put on some make up and was looking somewhat normal on 25/8. This was how I looked at  Ashley's first Ballet Competition. Oh yes, she's such a gem. Her team came in first and I am just so proud of her!   

My TSW diet

The amount of supplements I take is staggering. My sister (dear co-sufferer in TSW) believes that I should boost my immunity with these. She was really sweet to lug them back for me when I was so ill. Some well meaning church friends recommended G3 and Tegreen from Nu Skin. I'm taking them too. 

A list of what I pop in my mouth daily: 
- Wheatgrass shots
- Probiotic (Lactogg)
- Flaxseed oil
- Primrose oil
- Fish oil (Omega)
- Pine Tree Bark (Pycnogenol®)
- Olive Extract (Olivia Forte)
- G3 Juice
- Green Tea Extract (Tegreen) 

My dear sis is like my food consultant. She advises me on what I should and not eat. Concertedly we stopped consumption of highly allergenic foods like chicken, all types of dairy, eggs, some nuts and soy (no coffee and sugar too). My diet is strictly fish (lots of cod, salmon), some red meat, vegetables (broccoli is good as it is anti-inflammatory) and fruits (I take all kinds). In fact, I try to eat uncooked and unprocessed food like sashimi and salad. 

It can be a challenge to find food that is TSW-friendly. I was battling bad edema and a friend suggested taking the following:

- Apple cider vinegar

- Manuka honey

- Turmeric 

- Cinnamon

- Chia seeds

I created a concoction with the above ingredients and drank it. Oh my gosh, I can't even describe how disgusting it was. I gulped down a few cups and decided not to torture myself further. TSW is enough of suffering! Instead of drinking these ingredients in some murky and foamy solution, I use these ingredients in the making of my TSW bread. 

This bread is not too bad actually. I dumped bread flour, yeast, manuka honey (to replace sugar), measured amounts of turmeric and cinnamon (depending on your preference and tolerance for these spices), generous amount of chia seed and some water into the mixer. No butter or eggs added. There I have, my own version of TSW bread that I can safely eat! To spice it up, I used spicy tuna as fillings. 

I take a lot of different types of drinks like rooibos tea, home brewed ginger and lemongrass drink etc.  My sis will brew nice Chinese tonic herbal soups with dang gui, pao sheng, hong zhao etc. almost every other day. How blessed! 

http://healthchampions.com.sg/annique-rooibos-tea-200g.html

Basically, it is important to eat well and to give the body sufficient nutrients to heal. I am not sure 'to what extent' these supplements/ food help me. I believe as long as they don't give me the rash, hives, itch etc, they are good and can help in nursing me back to health. 

Facing this ailment bravely

My feet are still pretty bad. Most parts of my body have seen better days, but my feet are still raw looking (swelling, bleeding, oozing, peeling). My feet will take the longest to heal because that's where I applied the greatest amount of steroids. 

Some people may wonder why I would put such ghastly pictures of myself so openly. Don't I worry how others regard me? My answer is no. 

I face my physical ailment bravely because I understand that this body is a mere body that will one day perish. What matters is the inward man (spirit) that should be renewed day by day. This is written in the Bible, 2 Corinthians 4:16: 

"Even though our outward man is perishing, 

yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." 

I seek the renewal of the inward man (my spirit) and have no qualms about telling and showing people how weak my physical body is and how it has been affected by steroids.   

"As for man, his days are like grass;

As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,

And its place remembers it no more." Psalm 103: 15-16

Oh how humbling it is to know how frail and fleeting life in this body is. 

Instead of worrying and being conscious about how I look or how others regard me, I choose to dwell on the Lord and His mercies instead. 

"But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting

On those who fear Him,

And His righteousness to children’s children." Psalm 103: 17 

If you are struggling with how you look because of TSW or with whatever causes, I hope you too can find God real and look beyond this physical body. Face your ailments bravely!  

Elephant skin!

My skin is moving to the next stage- the dreaded ugly looking elephant skin. See the folds on my knee cap and the back of the arm. It is ugly looking but I am still thankful and rejoicing that it it not flamy and weeping. Thank God for every little relief!

The little orange box

Hubby surprised me with an orange box when I was at my lowest. It was so sweet of him to encourage me with this gift all the way from San Francisco (under normal circumstances he will never, yes never get this for me). Frankly no amount of orange boxes can remove the discomfort or make the swell disappear. But it is his loving thought that keeps me going. He has been really wonderful in many other ways. He assured umpteenth time that I am not a wreak (that's how I felt most of the nights). He managed 3 super active kids on the weekends, ferrying them to various classes and tending to their every need (while I rest at home). Thank you so much for being there (indeed in sickness and in health) and the support given. I am truly blessed because of you. 

Life must go on

TSW can be incapacitating. For weeks I left the children on their own. I couldn't monitor their work, read or play with them. TSW depletes my energy completely. I feel like I am recovering from a major operation. I feel so ill.... 

However I refuse to succumb to this TSW beast. With whatever little energy I have , I ensure that life is as usual (especially for the children). Mummy can still bake and cook.... Mummy is still there no matter what.  I am glad over the last one and a half months of horrendous withdrawal, I could still whip out the following for them:  

OREO CHEESECAKE:
I like this combination. Yummy and ice-creamy

CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE WITH PECAN TOPPINGS:
Mum likes the nuts

CHANTAL CHEESECAKE:
Asher's all time favourite 

 STRAWBERRY DENSE CAKE: 
Great if you have excess frozen strawberries 

ALMOND CAKE: 
Kinda sweet. 
Should be quite similar to the Galician almond tart (Tarta de Santiago) 

 

NUTS BREAD:
Nutty

ITALIAN POTATO FLAT BREAD: 
Love this! So yummy with balsamic vinegar and olive oil  

SOFT BUNS (HOT DOGS AND LUNCHEON MEAT):
All kids love these (so glad!) Took me a morning to prepare (with all the proofing). 
But worth it!

SEAFOOD FILLING

 HOMEMADE NOODLES:
No preservatives. How much better can it get?  

HOMEMADE BAN MIAN:

All my kids love this. 
Ashley likes the noodles (How glad! It is so hard to get her to eat anything)

FRIED DOU MIAO:
I think it is DTF's standard

FRIED KAI LAN

AGLIO OLIO STYLE SPAGHETTI 

SPAGHETTI SAUCE

AGLIO OLIO STYLE SPAGHETTI 

MOROCCAN VEGETABLES 

TURMERIC SOUP WITH CHORIZOS

CHICKEN WITH APPLE CIDER AND APPLES

STIR FRIED MUSHROOMS

 PRAWN AND PORK NUGGETS

 BEEF IN BEER KUAY TEOW (THIS IS SUPERB!)

 CARBONARA 

 SIMPLE FISHBALL WITH VEGE SOUP

 BAKED POTATOES AND RADISH WITH SAUSAGES